A few years ago I was at my doctor’s office for a yearly physical. She gave me a clean bill of health and was about to send me on my way when she suddenly stopped and asked, “How old are you?”
“Twenty-four,” I said.
“Oh, okay,” she replied. “We have patients get their cholesteral levels checked at age 25.”
“What does that entail?” I cautiously asked.
“Just a simple blood draw.”
Hearing the words “blood draw” makes me almost pass out cold. When I don’t respond she goes on to ask, “When do you turn 25?”
I quickly consider lying, but she was glancing for my date of birth in my chart, and I figured if she made it through medical school she can probably manage simple math, dammitalltohell!
“Tomorrow,” I quietly answer, sinking into my chair and cursing the day I was born.
“Oh!” she brightly replies. “Well in that case, you could get your blood drawn today, since you’re so close to turning 25. I’ll call down to the lab.”
“NO!” I plead. “No, that’s okay! I have a fear of needles,” I explain. “I’d rather wait until my next appointment. I think I need a year to mentally prepare for this.”
She waits for me to start laughing or give her some sign that I’m kidding, but instead I’m eyeing the room for a puke bag and an exit. Before I leave I schedule my next appointment for a year later–the following September.
In August I call to cancel my appointment and reschedule for November, giving myself a two-month extension.
In November I cancel and reschedule for February.
In February I cancel and reschedule for April.
In April–over a year and a half later–I finally muster up the courage to keep my dreaded appointment. Everything goes well and my doctor is wrapping things up and getting ready to leave when I breathe a huge sigh of relief and think: OMG, she forgot! I’m off the hook!!
Not so fast.
“Oh!” my doctor exclaims. “I have a note here that you were going to get your cholesterol checked during this appointment. Are you ready for it?”
“No.”
She laughs and says, “It’ll be okay! I promise it will be over before you know it.”
“Isn’t there a written test I can take instead?” I negotiate.
“It doesn’t work that way,” she reasons.
“BUT I EAT OATMEAL FOR BREAKFAST EVERY DAY!”
“Just get it over with,” she bargains, “and I promise you won’t need to do this again for another 5 years.”
So I suck it up and get my blood drawn, narrowly escaping a complete and total pass-out. A week later I get the validation I was looking for–a letter stating my cholesterol levels are excellent. I add it to the file of evidence I’m compiling to prove my body is a cholesterol happy zone. I’ll be ready for her when it’s time to re-plead my case at age 30. Or by the time I actually keep my appointment…at age 32.
That is freaking hilarious! Not your fear of needles but your postponing appointments and bargaining skills!
LOL come on, it could be worse, right? It could be a Pap smear test …
Haha….this is great! I understand completely.
@Jen–I’d take a Pap test over a needle poke any day of the week and twice on Sundays!
I once passed out after watching my brother get poked by a needle.
This post made me laugh out loud! sounds like me pre-baby. I’ve had my blood drawn 3 times, the glucose tolerance test, and the rh shot in the behind…yuck!
Haha, I’m just like you, I’m terrified of needles.
I’ve been putting off my cholestrol test for about 3 years. Not for fear of needles but because I don’t want to fast…how lame am I? I can stand to skip a meal too
That was super funny. And hey, you survived it. I hope they gave you a sticker afterwards.
jbhat
I feel your fear!! I DO pass out when I get blood drawn… Last time was when I had to do the glucose test when I was pregnant. They actually called my husband at work, and made him come get me. It was EMBARRASING!
I attempted to give blood once and promptly passed out and went into convulsions. My then fiance started screaming “oh my f’ing God! oh my f’ing God!” from 3 beds away while pumping blood as you are supposed to. Did I mention this was at the Catholic church?
omg these stories from your commenters are GREAT. I’m not particularly scared of needles (other than your average, you’re going to put what WEAR? fear) but I do have a crazycrazy fear of IVs. I have veins that are not easy to find (no druggie life for me!) and most techs have to go get the nurse, most nurses have to go get the doctors and more doctors then proceed to miss my vein another 2-3 times before they get it.
I once left the ER (unfortunate steak stuck in the esophagus accident) with no less than 10 different bandaids on my arms, hands and wrists. (The most painful place to get an IV? The side of your wrist. Ugh. Makes my insides shiver.)
Like others, I feel your pain. I’ve had a standing order to have a routine blood test for the last year. I purposefully didn’t set a date for an annual exam because I don’t want to have the blood test…
LMAO. I love to get my blood drawn, I always get a cute blood technician who’s worried about me when I turn white. I wonder if I’m still allowed to love this now that I’m married? I’ll find out in a few years.
Hello there:
I just found your blog via This Young House, and I just had to comment on this post: I am TERRIFIED of getting my blood drawn, too!!! I couldn’t help laughing out loud while reading this because it’s just SO how I am too, and everyone makes fun of me for it!
So thanks for being a scaredy-cat too, and thanks for the lovely blog – I’m really digging it:0)
Best,
Alisa
I’d say I’m sad to hear there are so many others in the same boat as me, but misery loves company!
@Alisa–so happy to have you as a new reader!
I feel this on a personal level. I got nose surgery about a month ago and when they put in the IV I got so nauseous I almost threw up. The world spun. It was absolutely horrifying. I don’t know how people do that without feel anything but a pinch.